Highlands Blog

Are You Becoming Who You Didn’t Want to Be?

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Posted in Highlands Blog under Personal Growth, Sanctification

Man investigating his receding hairline.

Things I Didn’t Ever Want to Do

I like to ponder from time to time about the things that I didn’t think I would ever do. It’s a sobering thought. You have an understanding of normal that only a teenager or recent college graduate could discern. Wisdom is ancient. Being teenage and young is fleeting. I do things I didn’t think I would ever do. I’ve become that person.

I want to be comfortable in my clothes much more than I want to be fashionable.

I’m almost completely out of touch with pop culture and my reasoning for this would give my younger self a grand opportunity to boast; I just don’t understand what is going on.

I don’t like the volume really loud. In fact, my understanding of loud volume is totally different than it was fifteen years ago.

I don’t go to many concerts but when I do I prefer one that starts on time, ends early, and requires very little standing.

Regarding starting on time, early endings, and sitting, I feel that way about most things.

I talk to my kids in a really excited tone when they wake up and I’m almost certain they hate it as much as I used to. What I didn’t understand, nor do they, is that like me towards them, my mom really enjoyed my company and was delighted when I came in a room. Only some age and experience will explain this.

I take delight in having no plans on weekend evenings which was a living nightmare to me when I was seventeen.

I love to wake up early.

I love to go to bed early.

I love to sit in a quiet room.

I value being educated formally much less than I ever thought I would. It is certainly important, but I value having a trade, wisdom, and experience, much more.

I’m more concerned with what people become than what they intellectually adhere to. When I go to conferences now, I enjoy the drive and talks in the car, meals and the time in between sessions of a conference, much more than the actual conference.

Traveling the world and seeing different places and experiencing different cultures was a tremendous experience but they can’t even come close to the experience of having a family.

I get bored rather quickly with watching sports.

I enjoy talking about the past, reliving old memories, and hearing others do the same.

Yes, I’ve become the person I didn’t want to be in many ways, and I couldn’t be happier about it. I still have many of the same interests, but my affection and approach towards them is what has changed. This is at the heart of the doctrine of sanctification. My affections for my Father in Heaven increase and mature so that how I approach the things of His world become rightly received and enjoyed, as He intended.

Now, I enjoy watching a game, but I’m not emotionally invested. Where my emotions and affections are spent is doubly rewarding in satisfaction and delight, and yet costly in heartache and pain. Matured delight and heartache have taught me this above all, I am finite and limited. What I do with my time and what I give myself to is also limited and finite. This leaves me with little time and little interest in some of the things I so highly valued in the past.

I’m more interested in my friend’s job than I am the economy. I get more excited watching my son, niece, and other friends’ children, play soccer than I do about any professional sport. I enjoy playing baseball with my kids much more than watching the Yankees. I still watch Yankee games, but baseball is more of a game to me than it’s ever been. What I didn’t understand when I was a teenager was how to understand value and value things rightly. Music, television, sports, and traveling are becoming to me what they should be: recreation, accessories, an added bonus. They don’t make a life, they only add flavoring and color in high spots.

What I hoped to not become twenty years ago is much of what I am today, and less of what I was then. I haven’t arrived, but that’s part of the experience, learning you’ve got a long way to go. Which means this: I’m going to become that person again one day: the person mid-thirty year olds don’t want to be.

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